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Note: This is one of many examples of religious humor that I have collected over the years. Where I have information about the original source, I have included it. Unfortunately, for most of these jokes and stories I do not have reliable authorship information. Like many jokes and urban legends, such information is difficult to trace.


Lutheran Vices?

Vell, Ole and Lena vent to the same Lutheran Church. Lena vent every Sunday, and taught Sunday School. Ole vent on Christmas and Easter and vunce in a vhile, he vent on one of the other Sundays. On one of those Sundays he vas in the pew right behind Lena and he noticed vhat a fine looking voman she vas. Vhile hey vas taking up the collection, Ole leaned forward and said, "Hey, Lena, how about you and me go to dinner in New Ulm next Friday?"

"Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," said Lena.

Vell now, Ole couldn't believe his luck. All veek long he polished up his old Ford, and on Friday he picked Lena up and took her to the finest restaurant in New Ulm. Vhen they sat down, Ole looked over at Lena and said, "Hey, Lena, vould you like a cocktail before dinner?"

"Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. "Vhat vould I tell my Sunday School class?"

Vell, Ole was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner. Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. "Hey, Lena," said Ole, "vould you like a smoke?"

"Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?"

Vell, Ole vas feeling pretty low after that, so he yust got in his Ford and vas driving Lena home ven day passed the Hot Springs Motel. Ole, figuring he had struck out twice already, so he thought he had nothing to lose.

"Hey, Lena," said Ole, "how vould you like to stop at that motel vid me?"

"Yah, Ole, dot would be nice," said Lena.

Vell, you could have knocked Ole over vid a fedder, he couldn't believe his luck. He did a quick U-turn, right then and there, right across the median and everything, and drove back to the motel and checked in vid Lena.

The next morning Ole got up first. He looked at Lena lying there in the bed with her lovely grey hair spread across the pillow.

Ole began to lament, "Oh Lena, vhat have I done? Vhat have I done?"

He shook Lena and she woke up. "Lena, I've got to ask you von ting," said Ole. "Vhat are you going to tell the Sunday School class?"

Lena said, "The same tin I alvays tell dem. You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time!"

 

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