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Note: This is one of many examples of religious humor that I have collected over the years. Where I have information about the original source, I have included it. Unfortunately, for most of these jokes and stories I do not have reliable authorship information. Like many jokes and urban legends, such information is difficult to trace.


You Might be a Mormon if...

YOU MIGHT BE A MORMON IF....

You have ever used the phrase "With every fiber of my being."

You've ever used the phrase "bless those who aren't here this time that they can be here next time."

You've ever used the above phrase while offering a prayer at a state prison, youth detention facility or other place of confinement.

You think "ignorant" means rude.

You think the word ignorant is pronounced "ignernt"

You think BYU's holiday bowl victory over SMU in 1980 is proof that the church is true.

You still talk about the holiday bowl victory of 1980.

You still consider Steve Young a Utah native even though he was born and raised in Connecticut.

For some reason you couldn't raise your children in Utah, then Connecticut would be your second choice.

You've ever used the words: fetch, flip, scrud, or oh-my-heck.

You ever apologized for using such language.

You've ever used your temple recommend as a check protection card.

You hide your recommend in the back of your wallet when you shop on Sunday.

You shop on Sunday and then you postdate the check.

You've ever mixed Jell-O with any kind of meat.

You like Jell-O mixed with any kind of meat.

You think red punch and green Jell-O are the main ingredients for a successful party.

You think carrots are a necessity to put in green Jell-O.

Your kids think Jell-O is a major food group.

You have your order in for volume 300 of "The Work and The Glory."

You use the dust jacket from "The Work and The Glory" so you can read romance novels in public.

You've ever quoted "The Work and The Glory" in a talk or a lesson.

You feel that "The Work and The Glory" would be better if it took place in Connecticut and the hero's name was Steve.

You're planning to read this list during Family Home Evening.

While giving a presentation in a public place such as a board meeting, you have ever inadvertently ended with, "in the name of..."

You've ever ended your presentation with those words deliberately.

All your children are named after Old Testament Prophets. Even your daughter Zerubbabel.

You ran out of Old Testament names before you ran out of children.

You refer to the days of '47 parade royalty as "The queen and her two counselors."

At least one member of your family has a pseudo-French name such as LaVell or LaDawn.

 

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