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Note: This is one of many examples of religious humor that I have collected over the years. Where I have information about the original source, I have included it. Unfortunately, for most of these jokes and stories I do not have reliable authorship information. Like many jokes and urban legends, such information is difficult to trace.


The Lords Prayer

Children's mispronunciations of the Lord's Prayer:

"Hail Mary, full of grapes."

"Our Father, who art in Heaven, how didja know my name?"

"Give us this day our jelly bread."

When my older brother was very young, he always walked up to the church altar with my mother when she took communion. On one occasion, he tugged at her arm and asked, "What does the priest say when he gives you the bread?" Mom whispered something in his ear. Imagine his shock many years later when he learned that the priest doesn't say, "Be quiet until you get to your seat."

"Lead a snot into temptation." I thought I was praying for my little sister to get into trouble.

And a few others that show that 'kids say the darndest things':

When my husband was 6 years old, he thought a certain Prayer was "He suffered under a bunch of violets." The real words were "under Pontius Pilate," but at that age, he didn't know better. To this day, we still snicker in church whenever that prayer is read.

When I was little, I often wondered who Richard Stands was. You know: "I pledge allegiance to the flag . . . And to the republic for Richard Stands."

I recall reading something years ago about the Pledge of Allegiance. Some child thought it began, "I led the pigeons to the flag."

 

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