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Note: This is one of many examples of religious humor that I have collected over the years. Where I have information about the original source, I have included it. Unfortunately, for most of these jokes and stories I do not have reliable authorship information. Like many jokes and urban legends, such information is difficult to trace.


Healthy Living

In the beginning God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's and Krispy Creme. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And man said "Yes!" and woman said, "I'll have another with sprinkles." And lo, they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And woman went from size 2 to size 6.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing and garlic toast on the side. And man and woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried shrimp and catfish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then brought forth running shoes so that his children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And man and woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and piled on the pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them and added copious quantities of salt. And man put on more pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then Lucifer said, "You want fries with that?" and man replied, "Yes! And super size 'em!" And Satan said "It is good."

And man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

And Satan created HMOs.

 

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