Note: This is one of many examples of religious humor that I have collected over the years. Where I have information about the original source, I have included it. Unfortunately, for most of these jokes and stories I do not have reliable authorship information. Like many jokes and urban legends, such information is difficult to trace.
Top 10 Signs Your Baptist Service is in Trouble
10. The Coast Guard has to become involved in some unexpected way.
9. The service is held at "Splash Mountain Water Park."
8. The Pastor has to wear a frogman outfit complete with air tanks into the water.
7. As the baptism begins the organist plays the theme from JAWS.
6. The preacher uses plastic animated Billy the Bass' singing "take me down to the river" instead of the traditional shall we gather at the river.
5. You hear the pastor say, "Oops! Honestly, sister, I didn't know about that drop-off."
4. The pastor can't get the rather large person being baptized back up out of the water and calls for "Help!"
3. The deacon board shows up with fishing gear and packing a cooler.
2. Just as the choir starts to sing, the Crocodile Hunter jumps out of the water and wrestles the preacher into submission.
And the Number 1 Sign Your Baptism service is not going as it should....
1. You hear the "plop, plop, fizz, fizz" of Alka Seltzer